Not good enough: Fears of Motherhood and disability

Officially a Mom!

On the 28th November 2017 my beautiful son, Levi was born. I entered this new territory with brave anticipation. As a first-time mom, I knew I would face unknown challenges on this road ahead. Having Myasthenia Gravis would bring its own set of unique twists and turns.

Becoming a mother was always one of my hearts desires. One I often thought may be out of reach. What a blessing it was to find out just a bit more than a year ago we would have a child. Thankfully I have had a community of woman who have guided and showed me what it means not only to be a good mother but one led by God.

Though this process I have realised that my mother, grandmother, aunt and mother in law are the four pillars of 'what it means to be a mom' to me. Because of them, I know how to persevere through sleepless nights, have the lion heart of fighting for my child's needs, how to be quite in a storm and how to have fun, laugh and enjoy every moment given in God’s grace.


But there is a gnawing feeling in me that I am failing.

A feeling that I am just not good enough for my son. Many moms I chat to express the same feeling. That although all is well with their bundle of joy, we will not measure up when needed.

Weather these norms and standards are placed on us by society, culture, religion or yourself is not the issue. Rather how we deal with them is. How do I surpass the feeling that I may have already failed my son?

If I look at the flip side, what if I were to never fail him.

To be everything he needed. While it's easy to fill that role to a 4-month-old how would it reflect in his personality at 10 years old or 20 years old? More importantly, how would it affect his spirituality? If I am his everything he would have no need for God and neither would I.
 A verse from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 comes to mind.
'But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I don't have the answers, but I do have perspective.

So I take this learning curve with an honest pinch of salt. I need to once again decrease so He can increase. And then I am being the best mom I can with God’s help.
 



Comments

  1. Levi is a good looking little guy. Welcome to the world Levi !!

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